Wednesday, October 22, 2008

more toxic thoughts to agress my brain

I see myself with a head full of light and a hand full of air. I woke up tonight after dodging a bullet and I faded out of sight. What a relief. A two-headed beast, one brings the lover, the other rots with belief. No way to run this auto anymore, no way to hide away, no insurance, and no safe passage, only me to decide to choose freedom. Sweet freedom! Who’s gonna save me anyway? Daddy? Mommy? I don’t think so. What would they do? Call me a coward and pull up my bootstraps? Thanks, but no. How about the government? It’s their job, right? Time to let the myths of childhood say goodbye and sail away. Not growing up, though, hell no, what would good would that do? Become one of them? I don’t think so. If you tie the not with external change, get ready for the beat down, get ready for a purposefully wasted life, get ready dog. You lost the bet, you missed the point, you pressed the button, BOOM!! Pictures on the wall can never predict the past. Dangerous criminals ramshackle my hotel. I think I may need a serious weapon to battle these treacherous beasts, or eyes in the back of my head, or spikes and hand gestures to tell my story to the next generation. Legs crossed, thoughts lost, fame chased, pathetic identity released, I still have my black socks and my sugar cookies, and most of all, she is with me. She is with me, stroking my hair, tickling my pleasure center, holding my hand as we walk into the sun. Today, right now, not later, we move together, sooth together, give up together, cards know the score. They ask the dirty question, the damned dirty questions, ‘are you sure?’, ‘how do you know?’, ‘maybe your fooling yourself, lying to yourself, what do you think?’. What kinds of questions are these? (They must be agents sent to kill me or worse. I must remember to through away this typing device.) Designed to ruin you, to cage you, to run the ice pick, nice and slow, in one ear and eventually out the other. Will they kill me for not listening? Not very nice are they? Will they disown me for not swallowing the pill? They say I’m deluded. They say I’m full of shit, but will they leave me alone? Not today, not without a fight, not free of strings. We must flee this wretched land that backed out on us long ago. Believe this believers, they are coming for us and they will never stop like an evil vacuum cleaner sucking up even the vacuum. Believe that. I mean, really, if you’re not willing to die for it, what are you doing? Am I trying to be a poet, a prophet, a deep motherfucker? Man, hold me over the coals, I’ll never tell; I don’t even know what this is. Words pouring from another homeless pen, reactions of thought, voices in my head. Who, in God’s name, cares for the likes of this toxic aggression? I’m just writing. But, if you like me, call me what you will and throw me a bone, cause it’s hard to live on Perrier and cream cheese.

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